divinemadam: (Default)
Well, I am trying to make an effort to check out my journal and actually post things. Life has just had a way of interfering. I have been very busy with work. That seems to have been my entire life in fact. I work late most days, come home, eat dinner, and fall asleep on the couch. This is not how I want to live my life. I recently turned 40, and this is not where I want to be in my life. I still enjoy working with the students, but there is so much bureaucratic BS in the job, that I have considered looking for other jobs. I have even applied for a few with no luck. At least this year, I have administrative support that is helping me to hopefully get rid of the counselors in the department who are not doing their jobs. We will see how that actually pans out, but I am trying to make sure that the documentation is done to give validity to dismissing them. Maybe, if I could get rid of some of the dead weight, I wouldn't be so daunted by the BS. Fingers crossed...

I am trying to find some balance in my life. I want to get in touch with friends again, both in RL and on here. I want to exercise and get healthier. I want to be more social and open myself up to meeting someone special. Wish me luck!


Jan. 2nd, 2010 09:45 pm
divinemadam: (Default)

I am trapped at my mother's house, trying to get her new computer working on the Internet. Setting up her email and facebook accounts has been an experience that could qualify as cruel and unusual punishment. The only saving grace is that I just found out that Muse will be here March 1st. Help me survive this night.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

divinemadam: (Default)
Just a quick post to say Happy Birthday to [livejournal.com profile] laerwen and a very belated birthday to [livejournal.com profile] sairalinde !
divinemadam: (Default)
Hello to all out there!  I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you for all of those who have wished me a happy birthday!  The past weekend has been trying and exhausting in the least, so it was lovely to feel the love of so many friends.  When I have recovered, gotten, warm, and gotten sleep, I will post about it.  Until then, thank you again and love you all!
divinemadam: (Default)
If you ever have the chance to go to a conference, please keep the following bits of etiquette in mind.
1. When the presenter asks for questions, do not just blurt out your question. Raise your hand and wait your turn like the rest of us, especially if you are an educator. After all, we are trying to teach our students to take turns, be polite and have manners. We should model good behavior for them.

2. When it is question time, don't make statements of fact as to how you plan on utilizing the information learned that day. This is especially true when the way that you will use the info is sooo obvious that everyone wants to look at you and say DUH! You have just wasted everyone's time for questions for your own self-aggrandizing agenda.

3. When the presenter is speaking, don't talk to your friend about what happened last night. It is distracting to other people and just rude. Don't make it worse by then asking everyone else what the presenter is saying because you didn't catch it.

4. If you do talk because the prospect of gossiping with your friend is just too tempting, don't ask any questions of the presenter. I can guarantee that he/she will have already discussed what you don't understand because you were too busy chatting about who did whom last night. Asking questions makes the audience want to hurt you and the presenter wants to say that he/she has already covered the topic and if you had been listening you'd know that.

5. When the room is packed like sardines, do not decide that you can get away with passing gas. I realize that conferences serve rich food that may not settle well with some people, but your intestinal issues should not be shared. Either you will sicken the people who are captive audiences or possibly cause a stampede as people try to evacuate the room. Excuse yourself before you starting ripping them out. You are not going to be able to fart without it stinking.

Obviously, I am at a conference. It's actually a great conference and I have learned a lot. I was one of 4 people chosen in our district to attend, all expenses paid by a grant. I am staying in a 5 star hotel with a room to myself. I have been fed massive amounts of food of every kind. I've had good sessions for the most part, I've met new people who have been super nice. However, I've also had to deal with some dumbass crap, thus being the reason that I wrote them. I thought that I was being sensitive because I have been seriously stressed trying to get things done before I came to the conference. It's not just me. Other people are saying the same kinds of things. I have one more long day and then I go home. It better be a good day or I'll be pissed.
divinemadam: (Default)
SHOOT ME! I have had a massive headache off and on for 6 days. I have managed to keep it from becoming a migraine, but no amount of medicine, neck stretches, or sleep have truly helped. I just want to be able to sleep, which I can't do until my head stops hurting at least a little. I've tried everything aside from muscle relaxers, which is next on the agenda. The only thing is that they will make me groggy as hell when I wake up for work. Guess I will just have to look high as a kite in the office. The kids will love it.
divinemadam: (Default)
Well, it's been forever since I updated, so I thought that I would take a few minutes to blather on about my life. Feel free to skip if you wish.

I think that is pretty much it. I need to run so I can get ready to have dinner with a good friend this evening.
divinemadam: (Default)
First of all, why am I up this early on a Sunday morning when I don't have to be?  Oh yeah, I fell asleep on one couch, my brother fell asleep on the other, and the cats decided that my face, not my brother's, was the perfect spot to play chase.  Why my brother was given a reprieve from all of the fun, I do not know.  Do you have any idea what it is like to be sleeping away peacefully only to wake up to your face being mashed and twisted by cat paws, quickly followed by kitten paws?  Yes the kitten is chasing the cat, not the other way around.  Mowmowski thinks he is quite the large and ferocious cat despite being tiny, all skin and bones, and only having one eye.  (It had a cyst on the other and the only way to save its life was to remove the eye.  Hasn't phased him a bit.)  The cat is my brother's and the kitten belongs to his girlfriend.  We love Mowmowski, not so much the girlfriend.

There are highly contentious subjects behind the cut. I am too tired to debate or discuss. Seriously. I'm at the end of my energy and emotional reserves. Please do not flame. )
Well, that is what is exhausting me at home, and work is exhausting as well.  I have no place to have any rest.  I am coming home from work and falling asleep at 8:00 in the evening.  This is coming from a person who has always, even as a small child, been a night owl.  It's not uncommon for me to be up until 1:00 am, or it wasn't until the last few weeks.  We mailed home the tentative schedules to the students and now everyone wants to make changes.  It's utterly ridiculous.  I am supposed to be able to leave the office at 3:20 and I am not leaving until 6:00.  School starts on September the 8th.  There is so much to do before then.  I feel exhausted thinking about it.  The stress has been causing my neck to hurt again, so I have been doing my stretches that I learned in physical therapy, which has helped.  However, I have had HORRIBLE acid reflux and heart burn no matter what I eat and it's all because of stress.  I've tried everything, but nothing seems to help, no medicine works for very long.  I have a doctor's appointment in the morning about it.  I guess that I will have to go on one of the preventative medicines because the reactive ones aren't helping.  Keep your fingers crossed!

I think that's about it for an update.  Hope everyone is doing well!

divinemadam: (Default)
Well, I know that it has been a while since I last updated.  I have been very busy.  I have moved in with my brother.  I am still unpacking and trying to get settled.  It's a long process.  I finished moving everything last week, so I figure that it will be a little longer before I can be completely settled.  I am still going through things and purging old items that I never use.  If you saw the amount of clothes that I had stashed away and not wearing...  It's sad.  Really sad.  I still have a ton of clothes and I am donating a ton.  I never thought I was a clothes hog, but apparently, I am.  Derek and I have been settling into a routine of living together.  It seems to be just fine so far.  Let's hope it stays that way.

I did take a few days to visit with my father and to see my dearest friend, April.  I had not seen April in almost 8 years, so it was very good to see her.  She and I have been best friends since we were 10 years old, so 27 years in total.  I still miss her, even though we haven't lived in the same place since we were 15 years old.  We make sure to keep up the friendship and contact.  She had gone to WV to see some of her family so I made sure that my visit was at the same time.  We have decided that when the winter comes, we are having a girls weekend.  We haven't decided where, and to be honest, it doesn't matter to us.  It's the whole idea of just me and her getting together.  Her husband is encouraging the idea, but I have no idea how her kids will survive without her.  They are definitely spoiled to having their mom around.  Having her absent from their lives for a little while may do them a world of good.  Then they would have to learn how to resolve their sibling squabbles themselves.  April, being an only child, doesn't understand that brothers and sisters fight.  They fight over everything and nothing, and they need to figure out how to resolve it on their own.  She just tries to fix it.  Well meaning, yes, but not helping them figure out how to do it themselves.  Abraham Lincoln once said, "The worst things you can do fort he ones you love are the things they could and should do for themselves."  Anyway, we are going to have a girls getaway this fall some time. 

I did see my father as well. He is up and going along just as well as he had done before his knee surgery.  He stayed busy with work during the days, but he always made sure to make me breakfast and have a good dinner with him.  I got fresh veggies every day from his garden.  I don't know how the man does it, but he can grow anything.  We had corn, squash, green beans, and cucumbers.  Those were the things that were just coming out at that time.  He also sent me back with some October beans that were dried, and I can cook them when I choose.  It was good to see him.  I went to church with him, which is something I normally do not do.  However, he recently started going to the church that we attended when I was little.  The same preacher is there, and I saw him and part of his family.  It was a little weird being there again.  My father, true to form, sat in the back and managed to fall asleep during the service, as he always does.  I asked him why he decided to go back this church and he said that he found the sermons more moving and inspirational to him.  Maybe he does, but I had to keep from laughing since it was so inspirational that he fell asleep.  Leave it to my father.  He can sleep in any church.

On the health front, I finished my physical therapy and feel much better.  I still try to do the stretches and exercises to keep the problem from returning.  I also had to have a colposcopy two days ago because I had an irregular pap smear.  I've had the procedure before, but it wasn't this bad.  Of course, after you turn 35, they have to be "more cautious" as my doctor put it, and they will take more than just surface cells of the cervix.  They took more tissue samples for biopsy than they did before.  I am still sore and cramping from it.  I should hear back about the results in a week or so.  If everything is good, then I just have to make appointments every 6 months to follow up.  If not, they will go in and take chunks of tissue out, but at least I will be under anesthetic then.  I wasn't on Wednesday.  I am trying to not worry because it is probably nothing, but there is that little part of your head that thinks the worst every time.

My break time is over.  Back to the room...  Hopefully, I will be able to post more often.  There was a problem with the internet connection and we had to take care of that.  It is now fixed.  Yay!  I have had to live by my iPhone for internet connection for the last week.  I do love my phone, but it is not always convenient when doing a large post. 
divinemadam: (Default)
Murphy's Law has hit again.  I went to a friend's wedding this weekend, which was in Montpelier, VA (right outside of Richmond).  It was beautiful and rather unconventional, like the couple themselves.  However, it was the most moving ceremony and heartfelt exchange of vows that I have ever heard.  It had almost everyone in tears.  The ceremony was held in a field behind a friend's house where the reception was as well.  People who wanted to stay there and party couple bring a tent and camp out, save money, not have to worry about driving...  My mother and I stayed at the recommended hotel which was not far away and just fine.  I knew with the medication that I am on for my neck that I could not drink, so driving would not be a problem.  My brother opted to stay in a tent there and party of course.  One of the times that I went to the car to get something for him, I managed to fall and tear up my knee and one of my arms on the gravel driveway.  Since the friend's house was in the country, they have some kind of burrowing critter (gopher, mole, vole...) that has made a system of tunnels all in the yard and apparently under the gravel driveway.  I learned this when I stepped halfway in one, twisted sideways and fell.  I tore up my left knee and have road rash up my right arm from the wrist to the elbow.  I managed to not get any on my left arm, but only because I caught myself and took the brunt of the fall in the should and neck, right where all of my pain has already been.  Yep. I'm just lucky that way...
divinemadam: (Default)
Well, I had my first physical therapy session today and it went well.  Apparently, most of my issues are, indeed, muscular in nature.  There is a tiny area at the base of the skull, where it connects with the neck, that I cannot pronounce, where a major artery and a major nerve runs from the neck to the head.  Apparently, when I get stressed, I begin to tense the muscles around that little tunnel.  Most people do, which is what causes tension headaches.  In my case, the muscles have been tense for so long and so tight for so long, that they don't relax on their own.  I have to learn stretch them out to relax them and I have to build up the muscles in the middle of my upper back to help take some of the tension off of those muscles in the first place.  I also have to work on my posture.  In case you didn't know, I have the second worst posture in the world.  My father has the worst posture in the world, so as least I got it honest.  Strengthening the muscles in my upper back will also help my posture according to the therapist.

Anyway, I did feel better after the session and he did massage the area to release the tension and restore normal blood flow.  I had a headache when I went in there and left without one.  He told me that it was not uncommon to feel exhausted while going through therapy because your body is learning something new.  I told him that I felt exhausted anyway because by the end of the day, I hurt so much, I couldn't do anything but fight pain.  He said that should get better over the next few weeks.  It was funny because he asked what I did for a living that caused me to have such enormous stress, and when I told him that I was a school counselor, he asked me if I worked in the jail.  I told him no.  He asked what kind of school I worked in because he couldn't believe that I worked a regular school and had this much stress.    He said that he rarely saw anyone with that much stress and tension, much less someone at my age.  I think it's hilarious that he assumed that I work with juvenile delinquents though.  You know that I am telling everyone in the building tomorrow.

Hopefully, in a few weeks, I will be feeling relatively normal, whatever that means.  Then I can actually read and comment on LJ again.  I am actually trying to do it, but it's hard when even reading, much less commenting, takes more energy than I have at the moment.  Please be patient.  It's not you.  It's me.


Jun. 3rd, 2009 08:50 pm
divinemadam: (Default)
I have to take a moment and brag on one of my students.  She writes music and sings.  One of her songs has been chosen to be on a compilation on iTunes in the near future!  It's actually very good, along with the rest of her songs.  The production of the songs isn't great, but considering that she did it with her own computer, it's not bad.  If you want to check it out, listen to her playlist at her myspace page, which is open to anyone.  www.myspace.com/ylimexo  The song that is being placed on iTunes is called Oceanfront.  She's got some talent.
divinemadam: (Default)
Okay, I went for a follow up appointment with my doctor today after my lovely Emergency Room visit last week.  Here is where things stand.  My doctor thinks that that the pain and problem is muscular/skeletal in origin.  She had me go for x-rays today and pending the results of that, I may have to go for an MRI as well.  She is sending me to a physical therapist to have them look at my neck and muscles to see what is going on and to see what they can do to help.  I go for that appointment on Thursday.  I don't know what the outcome will be, but I can always hope for therapeutic massage, right?  The doctor did have a real conversation with me about the fact that this is very probably caused by stress and things at work.  While we can come up with a way to fix things now, how are we going to prevent things from ending up back here in the future?  I've been thinking about it.  I know that there are some ergonomic things that I can buy that can help with the placement of my computer and so forth which can help some.  That only helps with the physical issues.  I have to think long and hard on how to handle the stress issue. 

She also gave me a stronger muscle relaxer to take for another week.  Hopefully, this one will help more.  It should for how much it cost, even with insurance.  This neck problem is going to send me to the poor house.  On the upside, I might actually get to have the medical write off on my taxes this year.  I've never hit that percentage before, but I swear that I am heading there quickly!
divinemadam: (Default)
Okay, here's the latest update on my family that has been stressing me out in the last few months.

Brother:  If you saw my post from last night, you know that he has been having all kinds of roommate issues.  The sad thing is that his roomie is one of his oldest and closest friends.  Now they never even speak.  Derek went through a major depression when all of this started.  He had started going down the same self-destructive path that Greg is on now, but at least he realized that he needed to stop it.  When he realized that, he called on the person that he usually does to hep fix things, which is me.  He started spending the evenings at my house to get his paperwork from his job done and to come up with a plan of how to change things.  He got to a point that was so low, I was really worried that he was suicidal again.  Obviously, he has been working his way out of that.  However, he is not there yet.  He won't be "fixed" until the situation with his roommate is squared away.

Sister, Angie:  If you have read my LJ before you that I love my sister but she drives me bonkers.  You also know that I truly dislike her husband.  Lately they have been having problems, which would seem like a good thing since I don't like the asshat.  However, when they didn't get along in the past, it eventually ended up abusive.  It hasn't thus far, but I think that it's just a matter of time.  The worry is being multiplied by the fact that my sister has reconnected with her first love through facebook, and he lives part of the year around here.  (He travels a lot with his work.)  She has been sneaking around to see him behind her husband's back.  I don't know that they have done anything more than making out like teenagers but this does not bode well if her husband finds out.  I would like to think that she is trying to figure out a way to leave her husband, but I don't think that she is.  She has become accustomed to having things and spending money.  If she leaves her husband, she will have to leave that behind.  She could have love and happiness if her happiness had not become dependent on what money could buy.  The new guy loves her and treats her like she deserves to be treated.  However, there is a part of me that wants to go over and tell him that he should cut ties because she won't leave her husband.  I know that she is scared of the asshat, but she is still talking about taking a trip to the Bahamas and another trip Europe.  Those are not things that she could do if she plans on leaving her husband.  The sad thing is that she and her husband are beginning to fight because they are starting to have money issues.  They own several businesses, but all of the businesses sell large cost items (cars, house improvements...), which people are not buying in this economy.  On top of that, any money that they had set aside, the asshat has gambled away because he fancies himself a big card player.  He may be better than the average person around here, but he is not all that when going up against professional players.  So, my sister is playing with fire, pulling an innocent person into a bad situation, knowing that she won't ever leave her asshat husband.
divinemadam: (Default)
Okay f-listies...  I have had a question posed to me and I need some help to think things through.  My brother has been dealing with a bad roommate situation.  His current roomie is one of his oldest friends who has just made some bad choices and has slowly become a freeloader.  He is in the process of kicking out the roomie, which is taking a little longer than expected because the roomie is actually on the lease.  It would be one thing if he could just say get out because you are not on the lease but that isn't the situation.  However, every month, the roomie is getting further and further in debt to my brother, so it is a matter of time before he is out.  This brings me to my quandary. 

My brother asked me when my lease was up and would I move in with him.  First of all, my lease would have been renewed in May, but I was never given a new lease to sign.  I haven't signed a new lease since I moved here 3 years ago, but there is a line that says that there is an automatic renewal without notice.  So I would have to check to see if this was even an option in the first place.  However, if it would be an option, here are the pros and cons:

- I would be more motivated to do things because we motivate each other to work.  He is exercising and would help me exercise.  I will do paperwork and make him do his paperwork.  He's OCD about cleaning, so I would actually clean much better than I do now.  (I'm not dirty, just cluttered)  Having him around, I would actually cook meals, which means that I would eat better instead of settling for fast food or having frozen dinners.
 - It would be cheaper, splitting costs.
- I would have company and no more annoying neighbors.
- I love his house, which is only 5 minutes from where I live now, so not a huge difference in neighborhoods
- I would have a lovely, huge back yard
- We get along great and spend a ton of time together anyway.
- mom has been thinking that this would be wonderful for us to do

- I would mother him and he would let me.  It would exhaust me and eventually piss him off.
- I have a household of stuff that I would have to get rid of or figure out what to do with.  The house is pretty much already decorated and better decorated than my place, to be honest.  I could get rid of a lot of things, but there are some things that I can't compromise on like my grandmother's china cabinet.
- He likes to keep the temperature about 10 degrees colder than I do
- the heating there seriously is not great, and I have joint issues.  Joint issues + cold in the winter = bad
- There is only one bathroom
- He likes to play music loud all of the time
- His friends will come over and drink until late at night, which is fine for them, but I have to get some rest.
- He has pets, whom I love, but when my allergies are acting up, the pet dander will irritate them more.
- I'm afraid that while we love each other now, we will hate each other if we live together.

Any opinions?
divinemadam: (Default)
California = Fail  Nuff said.
divinemadam: (Default)
I have been absent for a month or so from LJ because of RL, so I am going to try to do some updates based on categories.  The first will be to one that seems to be most pertinent which is my health.  If you have read my LJ, you know that this year has not been a good year for me health-wise.  I have had every cold, flu, and respiratory issue that you can imagine outside of pneumonia and bronchitis.  I have also been dealing with more and more migraines.  I finally was put on Topamax for that, which had some interesting side effects for about six weeks, and then no more migraines since.  Yay!

Once the headaches were gone, I noticed that the aching in my neck that I always felt with my headaches was still there.  I went to the doctor about it.  She said that it was an inflamed muscle and gave me anti-inflammatories, told me to ice it once or twice a day and do stretches.  I have been doing that for a couple of weeks.  However, over the weekend, my neck has been aching 10 times worse then before, and my fingers started tingling.  I also started having a weird visual effect, not the aura that comes with migraines, but more of a shadowy trail when things move.  Last night, I could barely move and almost went to the ER because I was in so much pain.  However, I took enough medicine and lay on an ice pack that I was able to go to sleep.  When I woke up this morning, I couldn't move much more than last night and my neck was still in as much pain.  I went to the Emergency Room.  They did a CT scan, which came back clear, so that is good.  The down side is that we don't know what is causing this.  I went home on some serious percocet with a referral to a neurologist and a prescription for muscle relaxers.  I am supposed to take the muscle relaxers 4 times a day, and I have no idea how I am going to work like that.  I thought that I would forego taking them, but once I woke up after the percocet wore off this afternoon, there is no way that I can function with this pain still throbbing in my neck without the medicine.  I guess being woozy at work is better than being non-functional and in pain.  I can only hope that I can get into the neurologist quickly and figure out what is going on.  What are the odds of that?  With my luck, not good.
divinemadam: (Default)
I have had a couple of people e-mail me and ask me what is going on, so I wanted to do a quick post.  I haven't fallen off of the face of the earth.  Apparently, I'm not that lucky lately.  RL has been sucking hard for the last few weeks.  I can't really go into it all right now.  I don't have the energy.  Work has been driving me so crazy and making me so frustrated that I have honestly been considering looking for something new.  My family has exhausted me with worry and stress.  My brother and my sister are going to completely wear me out at this rate.  I am constantly being pulled in so many different directions by everyone else that I couldn't tell you when I did anything for myself.  I am just tired.  I know that many of my friends out there are going through lots too, and I am sorry that I haven't been able to be there to put in an encouraging word.  Usually that makes me feel better, but I haven't even had the energy to do that.  I hope that things are going to calm down in the next couple of days at work, which should help things.  I just wanted to let everyone know that I am still around more or less.

There is a little good news.  My land lady told my obnoxious upstairs neighbors that they had to be quiet or risk being kicked out.  Since then, they have been good little boys.  At least I can come home to some peace and quiet.
divinemadam: (Default)
So today I had great news.  My student that has aplastic anemia has been matched with a bone marrow donor!  He goes to Washington DC in May to have the transplant.  He will be there for about 4 months with recovery and therapy.  If all goes well, he will for all intensive purposes be  cured after that.  He will have a chance at a life.  He went from having less than a year  to having a chance for a normal life.  Here's hoping that the transplant goes well!

Also, I had a very amusing discussion with some students today.  I heard some students outside of my office door saying, "Ask Ms. Roland, She'll know."  They asked me the difference between the Rat Pack and the Brat Pack.  I explained who each group was and gave them my personal recommendations for music and movies by each group.  You should have seen their faces when I told them that the Rat Pack was in the original Oceans Eleven.  Most of them had no idea that there was an original that didn't involve Brad Pitt or George Clooney.  Yes, I was truly an educator today.  I may not have helped them get into college, but I did help them expand their little worlds.  Maybe, just maybe, one of them will actually go home and listen to some of the music that I suggested and like it, even if they never mention it to their friends because it's just not cool to like that kind of music when you are 16.
divinemadam: (Default)
Ok, my sister told me that she had created a Facebook page and I should friend her.  Since we had a lot of the same friends from West Virginia or knew siblings of friends, I thought that this would be a great idea.  I find her page, and friend it.  Then I begin to read her information.  First of all. she says that she is married but interested in friendship and relationships.  Now, I know that she and her husband will go to "lifestyle" parties and spouse swap.  It grosses me out to no end.  I can't believe that she would do that but if that is what makes her and her husband happy, so be it.  However, posting it on Facebook for anyone to see, INCLUDING HER SON, is just tacky.  She also has down that she is in the Tidewater Bi Females group.    That she is bisexual doesn't bother me.  Seeing it posted on-line where her son can read it, when she and her husband gives him shit about possibly being gay when he isn't, that is where I have a problem.  Well that and the whole idea of my sister + anything sexual = eww because she's my sister and I don't want to know about it.  I have no doubt that my nephew is aware of what goes on in my sisters house and in her life.  He is extremely bright, but I am sure that he feels like me and doesn't want to read about it on-line.  Does my sister not think about things like that?  And she wonders why my nephew has such a close relationship with me.  Maybe it's because he doesn't feel comfortable talking to her about the things that she does like this that embarrasses him but he needs to vent to someone sane.  When he gets older, it would be fine, but he is a teenager, the most awkward time for most people.  He is still trying to define himself as a person.  He doesn't need to deal with his mother's personal information being posted on-line for him and all of his friends to read.  Am I wrong to think this way?  Have I just worked with kids too long that I have lost touch with adults? Or am I right in that my sister is being oblivious to her son's needs?  I just think that it's wrong.  Besides, I just really didn't need any image of my sister having any kind of sex with anyone, male or female.  That's just gross. 


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