divinemadam

Well, I am trying to make an effort to check out my journal and actually post things. Life has just had a way of interfering. I have been very busy with work. That seems to have been my entire life in fact. I work late most days, come home, eat dinner, and fall asleep on the couch. This is not how I want to live my life. I recently turned 40, and this is not where I want to be in my life. I still enjoy working with the students, but there is so much bureaucratic BS in the job, that I have considered looking for other jobs. I have even applied for a few with no luck. At least this year, I have administrative support that is helping me to hopefully get rid of the counselors in the department who are not doing their jobs. We will see how that actually pans out, but I am trying to make sure that the documentation is done to give validity to dismissing them. Maybe, if I could get rid of some of the dead weight, I wouldn't be so daunted by the BS. Fingers crossed...

I am trying to find some balance in my life. I want to get in touch with friends again, both in RL and on here. I want to exercise and get healthier. I want to be more social and open myself up to meeting someone special. Wish me luck!

Just a quick post to say Happy Birthday to laerwen and a very belated birthday to sairalinde !

If you ever have the chance to go to a conference, please keep the following bits of etiquette in mind.
1. When the presenter asks for questions, do not just blurt out your question. Raise your hand and wait your turn like the rest of us, especially if you are an educator. After all, we are trying to teach our students to take turns, be polite and have manners. We should model good behavior for them.

2. When it is question time, don't make statements of fact as to how you plan on utilizing the information learned that day. This is especially true when the way that you will use the info is sooo obvious that everyone wants to look at you and say DUH! You have just wasted everyone's time for questions for your own self-aggrandizing agenda.

3. When the presenter is speaking, don't talk to your friend about what happened last night. It is distracting to other people and just rude. Don't make it worse by then asking everyone else what the presenter is saying because you didn't catch it.

4. If you do talk because the prospect of gossiping with your friend is just too tempting, don't ask any questions of the presenter. I can guarantee that he/she will have already discussed what you don't understand because you were too busy chatting about who did whom last night. Asking questions makes the audience want to hurt you and the presenter wants to say that he/she has already covered the topic and if you had been listening you'd know that.

5. When the room is packed like sardines, do not decide that you can get away with passing gas. I realize that conferences serve rich food that may not settle well with some people, but your intestinal issues should not be shared. Either you will sicken the people who are captive audiences or possibly cause a stampede as people try to evacuate the room. Excuse yourself before you starting ripping them out. You are not going to be able to fart without it stinking.

Obviously, I am at a conference. It's actually a great conference and I have learned a lot. I was one of 4 people chosen in our district to attend, all expenses paid by a grant. I am staying in a 5 star hotel with a room to myself. I have been fed massive amounts of food of every kind. I've had good sessions for the most part, I've met new people who have been super nice. However, I've also had to deal with some dumbass crap, thus being the reason that I wrote them. I thought that I was being sensitive because I have been seriously stressed trying to get things done before I came to the conference. It's not just me. Other people are saying the same kinds of things. I have one more long day and then I go home. It better be a good day or I'll be pissed.

Well, it's been forever since I updated, so I thought that I would take a few minutes to blather on about my life. Feel free to skip if you wish.



I think that is pretty much it. I need to run so I can get ready to have dinner with a good friend this evening.

Well, I know that it has been a while since I last updated.  I have been very busy.  I have moved in with my brother.  I am still unpacking and trying to get settled.  It's a long process.  I finished moving everything last week, so I figure that it will be a little longer before I can be completely settled.  I am still going through things and purging old items that I never use.  If you saw the amount of clothes that I had stashed away and not wearing...  It's sad.  Really sad.  I still have a ton of clothes and I am donating a ton.  I never thought I was a clothes hog, but apparently, I am.  Derek and I have been settling into a routine of living together.  It seems to be just fine so far.  Let's hope it stays that way.

I did take a few days to visit with my father and to see my dearest friend, April.  I had not seen April in almost 8 years, so it was very good to see her.  She and I have been best friends since we were 10 years old, so 27 years in total.  I still miss her, even though we haven't lived in the same place since we were 15 years old.  We make sure to keep up the friendship and contact.  She had gone to WV to see some of her family so I made sure that my visit was at the same time.  We have decided that when the winter comes, we are having a girls weekend.  We haven't decided where, and to be honest, it doesn't matter to us.  It's the whole idea of just me and her getting together.  Her husband is encouraging the idea, but I have no idea how her kids will survive without her.  They are definitely spoiled to having their mom around.  Having her absent from their lives for a little while may do them a world of good.  Then they would have to learn how to resolve their sibling squabbles themselves.  April, being an only child, doesn't understand that brothers and sisters fight.  They fight over everything and nothing, and they need to figure out how to resolve it on their own.  She just tries to fix it.  Well meaning, yes, but not helping them figure out how to do it themselves.  Abraham Lincoln once said, "The worst things you can do fort he ones you love are the things they could and should do for themselves."  Anyway, we are going to have a girls getaway this fall some time. 

I did see my father as well. He is up and going along just as well as he had done before his knee surgery.  He stayed busy with work during the days, but he always made sure to make me breakfast and have a good dinner with him.  I got fresh veggies every day from his garden.  I don't know how the man does it, but he can grow anything.  We had corn, squash, green beans, and cucumbers.  Those were the things that were just coming out at that time.  He also sent me back with some October beans that were dried, and I can cook them when I choose.  It was good to see him.  I went to church with him, which is something I normally do not do.  However, he recently started going to the church that we attended when I was little.  The same preacher is there, and I saw him and part of his family.  It was a little weird being there again.  My father, true to form, sat in the back and managed to fall asleep during the service, as he always does.  I asked him why he decided to go back this church and he said that he found the sermons more moving and inspirational to him.  Maybe he does, but I had to keep from laughing since it was so inspirational that he fell asleep.  Leave it to my father.  He can sleep in any church.

On the health front, I finished my physical therapy and feel much better.  I still try to do the stretches and exercises to keep the problem from returning.  I also had to have a colposcopy two days ago because I had an irregular pap smear.  I've had the procedure before, but it wasn't this bad.  Of course, after you turn 35, they have to be "more cautious" as my doctor put it, and they will take more than just surface cells of the cervix.  They took more tissue samples for biopsy than they did before.  I am still sore and cramping from it.  I should hear back about the results in a week or so.  If everything is good, then I just have to make appointments every 6 months to follow up.  If not, they will go in and take chunks of tissue out, but at least I will be under anesthetic then.  I wasn't on Wednesday.  I am trying to not worry because it is probably nothing, but there is that little part of your head that thinks the worst every time.

My break time is over.  Back to the room...  Hopefully, I will be able to post more often.  There was a problem with the internet connection and we had to take care of that.  It is now fixed.  Yay!  I have had to live by my iPhone for internet connection for the last week.  I do love my phone, but it is not always convenient when doing a large post. 

Well, I had my first physical therapy session today and it went well.  Apparently, most of my issues are, indeed, muscular in nature.  There is a tiny area at the base of the skull, where it connects with the neck, that I cannot pronounce, where a major artery and a major nerve runs from the neck to the head.  Apparently, when I get stressed, I begin to tense the muscles around that little tunnel.  Most people do, which is what causes tension headaches.  In my case, the muscles have been tense for so long and so tight for so long, that they don't relax on their own.  I have to learn stretch them out to relax them and I have to build up the muscles in the middle of my upper back to help take some of the tension off of those muscles in the first place.  I also have to work on my posture.  In case you didn't know, I have the second worst posture in the world.  My father has the worst posture in the world, so as least I got it honest.  Strengthening the muscles in my upper back will also help my posture according to the therapist.

Anyway, I did feel better after the session and he did massage the area to release the tension and restore normal blood flow.  I had a headache when I went in there and left without one.  He told me that it was not uncommon to feel exhausted while going through therapy because your body is learning something new.  I told him that I felt exhausted anyway because by the end of the day, I hurt so much, I couldn't do anything but fight pain.  He said that should get better over the next few weeks.  It was funny because he asked what I did for a living that caused me to have such enormous stress, and when I told him that I was a school counselor, he asked me if I worked in the jail.  I told him no.  He asked what kind of school I worked in because he couldn't believe that I worked a regular school and had this much stress.    He said that he rarely saw anyone with that much stress and tension, much less someone at my age.  I think it's hilarious that he assumed that I work with juvenile delinquents though.  You know that I am telling everyone in the building tomorrow.

Hopefully, in a few weeks, I will be feeling relatively normal, whatever that means.  Then I can actually read and comment on LJ again.  I am actually trying to do it, but it's hard when even reading, much less commenting, takes more energy than I have at the moment.  Please be patient.  It's not you.  It's me.

Okay, I went for a follow up appointment with my doctor today after my lovely Emergency Room visit last week.  Here is where things stand.  My doctor thinks that that the pain and problem is muscular/skeletal in origin.  She had me go for x-rays today and pending the results of that, I may have to go for an MRI as well.  She is sending me to a physical therapist to have them look at my neck and muscles to see what is going on and to see what they can do to help.  I go for that appointment on Thursday.  I don't know what the outcome will be, but I can always hope for therapeutic massage, right?  The doctor did have a real conversation with me about the fact that this is very probably caused by stress and things at work.  While we can come up with a way to fix things now, how are we going to prevent things from ending up back here in the future?  I've been thinking about it.  I know that there are some ergonomic things that I can buy that can help with the placement of my computer and so forth which can help some.  That only helps with the physical issues.  I have to think long and hard on how to handle the stress issue. 

She also gave me a stronger muscle relaxer to take for another week.  Hopefully, this one will help more.  It should for how much it cost, even with insurance.  This neck problem is going to send me to the poor house.  On the upside, I might actually get to have the medical write off on my taxes this year.  I've never hit that percentage before, but I swear that I am heading there quickly!

Okay f-listies...  I have had a question posed to me and I need some help to think things through.  My brother has been dealing with a bad roommate situation.  His current roomie is one of his oldest friends who has just made some bad choices and has slowly become a freeloader.  He is in the process of kicking out the roomie, which is taking a little longer than expected because the roomie is actually on the lease.  It would be one thing if he could just say get out because you are not on the lease but that isn't the situation.  However, every month, the roomie is getting further and further in debt to my brother, so it is a matter of time before he is out.  This brings me to my quandary. 

My brother asked me when my lease was up and would I move in with him.  First of all, my lease would have been renewed in May, but I was never given a new lease to sign.  I haven't signed a new lease since I moved here 3 years ago, but there is a line that says that there is an automatic renewal without notice.  So I would have to check to see if this was even an option in the first place.  However, if it would be an option, here are the pros and cons:

Pros:
- I would be more motivated to do things because we motivate each other to work.  He is exercising and would help me exercise.  I will do paperwork and make him do his paperwork.  He's OCD about cleaning, so I would actually clean much better than I do now.  (I'm not dirty, just cluttered)  Having him around, I would actually cook meals, which means that I would eat better instead of settling for fast food or having frozen dinners.
 - It would be cheaper, splitting costs.
- I would have company and no more annoying neighbors.
- I love his house, which is only 5 minutes from where I live now, so not a huge difference in neighborhoods
- I would have a lovely, huge back yard
- We get along great and spend a ton of time together anyway.
- mom has been thinking that this would be wonderful for us to do

Cons:
- I would mother him and he would let me.  It would exhaust me and eventually piss him off.
- I have a household of stuff that I would have to get rid of or figure out what to do with.  The house is pretty much already decorated and better decorated than my place, to be honest.  I could get rid of a lot of things, but there are some things that I can't compromise on like my grandmother's china cabinet.
- He likes to keep the temperature about 10 degrees colder than I do
- the heating there seriously is not great, and I have joint issues.  Joint issues + cold in the winter = bad
- There is only one bathroom
- He likes to play music loud all of the time
- His friends will come over and drink until late at night, which is fine for them, but I have to get some rest.
- He has pets, whom I love, but when my allergies are acting up, the pet dander will irritate them more.
- I'm afraid that while we love each other now, we will hate each other if we live together.

Any opinions?

I have been absent for a month or so from LJ because of RL, so I am going to try to do some updates based on categories.  The first will be to one that seems to be most pertinent which is my health.  If you have read my LJ, you know that this year has not been a good year for me health-wise.  I have had every cold, flu, and respiratory issue that you can imagine outside of pneumonia and bronchitis.  I have also been dealing with more and more migraines.  I finally was put on Topamax for that, which had some interesting side effects for about six weeks, and then no more migraines since.  Yay!

Once the headaches were gone, I noticed that the aching in my neck that I always felt with my headaches was still there.  I went to the doctor about it.  She said that it was an inflamed muscle and gave me anti-inflammatories, told me to ice it once or twice a day and do stretches.  I have been doing that for a couple of weeks.  However, over the weekend, my neck has been aching 10 times worse then before, and my fingers started tingling.  I also started having a weird visual effect, not the aura that comes with migraines, but more of a shadowy trail when things move.  Last night, I could barely move and almost went to the ER because I was in so much pain.  However, I took enough medicine and lay on an ice pack that I was able to go to sleep.  When I woke up this morning, I couldn't move much more than last night and my neck was still in as much pain.  I went to the Emergency Room.  They did a CT scan, which came back clear, so that is good.  The down side is that we don't know what is causing this.  I went home on some serious percocet with a referral to a neurologist and a prescription for muscle relaxers.  I am supposed to take the muscle relaxers 4 times a day, and I have no idea how I am going to work like that.  I thought that I would forego taking them, but once I woke up after the percocet wore off this afternoon, there is no way that I can function with this pain still throbbing in my neck without the medicine.  I guess being woozy at work is better than being non-functional and in pain.  I can only hope that I can get into the neurologist quickly and figure out what is going on.  What are the odds of that?  With my luck, not good.

So today I had great news.  My student that has aplastic anemia has been matched with a bone marrow donor!  He goes to Washington DC in May to have the transplant.  He will be there for about 4 months with recovery and therapy.  If all goes well, he will for all intensive purposes be  cured after that.  He will have a chance at a life.  He went from having less than a year  to having a chance for a normal life.  Here's hoping that the transplant goes well!

Also, I had a very amusing discussion with some students today.  I heard some students outside of my office door saying, "Ask Ms. Roland, She'll know."  They asked me the difference between the Rat Pack and the Brat Pack.  I explained who each group was and gave them my personal recommendations for music and movies by each group.  You should have seen their faces when I told them that the Rat Pack was in the original Oceans Eleven.  Most of them had no idea that there was an original that didn't involve Brad Pitt or George Clooney.  Yes, I was truly an educator today.  I may not have helped them get into college, but I did help them expand their little worlds.  Maybe, just maybe, one of them will actually go home and listen to some of the music that I suggested and like it, even if they never mention it to their friends because it's just not cool to like that kind of music when you are 16.